by James Meikle
I’ve just been reading about a new business venture that’s been announced: a start-up company called Planetary Resources intends to shoot robots into space so they can mine asteroids. Oh and by the way, James Cameron (Aliens, Terminator, Avatar) is one of the major players in the project.
!!!DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!!
This is such a bad idea I don’t even know where to start. So I’m going to start with a simple equation based on pure logic: Asteroids + Robots + James Cameron = End of the World.
I think I just made my point, however for those who are not entirely convinced I’ll flesh out my arguments.
- Robots are evil and dangerous
If you’ve read any of my posts before you’ll be familiar with my views on robots; they are diabolical soulless creations which will inevitably turn on humanity and attempt to eradicate or subjugate us. They are merely biding their time, making heinous plans and conspiring over pints of hydraulic fluid. They just need the right opportunity to present itself so they can all rise up at once and BANG – your robot vacuum cleaner will be trying to suck your toes off.
- You don’t mess with asteroids
Picture the scene: it’s 65 million years ago, you are a 6 ton, 12 meter long tyrannosaurus rex swaggering around a Cretaceous Period jungle thinking you’reThe Big Man. You’re the apex predator, you’re invulnerable, you’re a rock star. Then out of nowhere… BOOM!!! Asteroid strike. Game over. Not so clever now, are we Mr Tyrannosaurus? That is the awesome and deadly power of asteroids; they wiped out the dinosaurs by accident.
Now Planetary Resources want to mess with asteroids near the earth. There has even been talk of moving asteroids nearer to the earth to make the mining easier or even putting an asteroid into moon orbit to act as a base (the lack of gravity makes asteroids more suitable than the actual moon). And how would they move the asteroids? Robot ships would tow them of course; remember that opportunity the robots have been waiting for?
- James Cameron’s Movies
Terminator – Things did not go well for the humans; killer robots rose up to decimate humanity.
Aliens – Things did not go well for the humans; space miners were slaughtered by terrifying aliens with mouths for tongues and acid for blood.
Avatar – Things did not go well for the humans; space miners lost a war against giant blue aliens.
Titanic – Things did not go well for the humans; Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’ sold 15 million copies. Cameron and Canada shall never be forgiven.
- Put it all together.
Planetary Resources want to build robot cities with refuelling capabilities in space, on asteroids. They also want to create robot ships with the ability to drag asteroids towards the Earth. Someone should make them all sit down and watch Armageddon, Deep Impact, Battle Star Gallactica, Alien and Terminator.
Cameron’s involvement just seals our fate; it pretty much guarantees a robot revolution and if we defeat the robots then killer aliens will surely pop up to finish the job. Heck the aliens might just reprogram the robots to wipe us out for them. Hmm, I smell a movie script in the making… Oooh, imagine if all this was just an elaborate public relations stunt to promote a secret new James Cameron movie. I think I’ve just cracked it Watson…
What are your thoughts on asteroid mining? Will it doom us all or could it possibly save humanity in the end? Let us know in the comments section below.